Haircut
by PrincessTadashi
Summary: As Hiro gets older, he finds himself looking more and more like Tadashi, and when people start accidentally calling him by Tadashi's name he worries that everyone would be happier if it was Tadashi who was alive instead of him. And when a haircut causes even Aunt Cass to accidentally call him Tadashi, it's up to Hiro's boyfriend, Ezra, to prove to him that his fears aren't true.


((Inspired by PentaghastRogue's art "Hiro Gets a Haircut" on Deviantart))

Hiro had seen it coming. Honestly, he had. Ever since they were kids, everyone had always told him how much he and Tadashi looked alike. Not identical, of course, but there was definitely a strong family resemblance. It wasn't until the end of high school when Tadashi had suddenly hit his growth spurt and his previously scrawny form had filled out that people had completely stopped mixing them up. Still, as much as Hiro joked about not being Tadashi's twin anymore, secretly he had harbored the hope that when he finally finished growing he'd look a lot like his elder sibling. Not that he wanted to be a carbon copy of him-of course not, he was very proud to be his own individual, thank you very much! But you couldn't blame him for wanting that special connection to his role model-to be able to walk down the street and there not be any shadow of a doubt who he took after. But then the fire happened, and that all changed.

After the fire that had snuffed out his older brother's life way before his time should have come, Hiro was glad that he didn't look as much like Tadashi as he'd always hoped he would. It was hard enough looking at pictures of his deceased _nii-chan_, he wouldn't have been able to stand it if he had to see his brother's face every time he looked in the mirror, a reminder of everything that he'd lost. And, with time and the help of his friends, he'd learned to move on. He'd been able to find at least some semblance of peace with what had happened, and while on some days it was all he could do just to get out of bed in the morning, he was continuing on with his life instead of staying stuck in the past. He was getting the robotics degree that he'd always wanted at the university of his dreams, he was the leader of a successful superhero team, and he was even making some friends outside of just the group Tadashi's friends who had adopted him after the fire. Hell, he even had a boyfriend now-Ezra, a guy his own age who had joined SFIT a few years after him. Overall, life was going pretty good. That is, until Hiro hit seventeen and puberty hit him like a metaphorical train.

Almost overnight, he suddenly shot up a good few inches, and while he didn't fill out near as much as Tadashi had, he still wasn't the skinny noodle he'd been for most of his life. The sudden changes left him and Aunt Cass scrambling in the wardrobe department as none of his old clothes fit him anymore. With money as tight as it was (the Cafe brought in good money, but with Aunt Cass trying to get her catering business off the ground they were pinching every penny that they could) and Hiro, cramming for finals at the end of his third year of college, not having the time to go shopping for any new clothes even if they had the money for them, the teen was forced to dig through the boxes of Tadashi's old clothes that Aunt Cass had refused to throw out in case something like this happened to have anything to wear. At the very least after that one sudden growth spurt Hiro seemed to have leveled off for the moment, but the whole experience had been akin to being struck by lightning-it had come without warning and had incurred a type of pain that went beyond the aching of his growing body. Every day as he looked at himself in the mirror, with a sinking heart he found that between his growth spurt and wearing Tadashi's clothes, he was starting to look more and more like his elder sibling. At first he thought that he was just imagining it-that he was being overly sensitive, reading too much into the situation, and that this was just a result of what the nursebot that was Tadashi's legacy had diagnosed as "hormonal mood swings". But then the name swapping started happening and he knew he wasn't just all in his head.

It started out innocently enough-a professor who had retired just before Hiro had started at SFIT and had been out of the country at the time of the fire had stopped him in the hallway and spent a good five minutes talking to a very confused Hiro like he knew him until it was discovered that he'd confused the teen with his elder sibling. It could have been a one time thing-a fluke. But then other professors who had had Tadashi before started slipping up on his name in classes, and in the lab Hiro could hear the whispers from students who were in the lectures with him who had known Tadashi talking about how much he looked like his elder sibling. Hiro wouldn't have minded it so much if it was just professors and mostly strangers, but when he realized that Tadashi's old friends were starting to act a little odd around him, he was definitely starting to get concerned. The day that Wasabi absentmindedly called him "Tadashi" was the final linchpin in his suspicions. Wasabi had immediately realized his mistake and profusely apologized, but the damage had been done. Like it or not, Hiro couldn't deny it anymore-he was growing up to look like his older brother and he had no idea what to do about it.

He tried to convince himself that it was a good thing-that looking like Tadashi was something of an honor and that maybe this was a way he could keep his nii-chan's memory close. Still, despite what he told himself, it was starting to affect him psychologically. He was trying to keep it from everyone, but he felt like he was fading away-like all the progress he'd made all these years to create a separate identity from his elder sibling was being wiped out. He was having nightmares where he either turned into Tadashi or else it was him who had died in the fire instead of his brother. And it brought up questions he hadn't allowed himself to think about since right after the fire-would the world have been better off if his genius, kind, caring older brother had remained here instead of the sarcastic, messy, antisocial mess that he was?

As much as he attempted to keep anyone else from knowing what was going on in his head, he couldn't help but wonder if the others were thinking the exact same thing. Was he paranoid? Definitely. But as the days passed, he felt less and less sure that they weren't all wishing that they were really getting Tadashi back in place of his emotionally and psychologically screwed up little brother.

The straw that finally broke the camel's back was the haircut. Hiro had been putting off getting a haircut for as long as possible-for one thing, he hated haircuts as a general principle, but his raven's nest was pretty much the only sign of individuality that he had left right now. And while Aunt Cass had been bugging him for forever to get it cut, as long as he kept it clean and fairly neat, she didn't push too hard. The only problem was, with his paranoia and depression over his body's recent changes setting in, Hiro was starting to neglect things like showering as much as he should, meaning that his hair was turning into a matted, greasy mess, and Aunt Cass wasn't going to stand for that.

Maybe if he'd explained to her what was going on she would have been more understanding, but given his paranoia had spread to the constant fear that she would rather have her perfect angel Tadashi here than him, he wasn't about to tell her what was going on in his head and so she finally put her foot down and said he was either going to go get it cut-and a proper cut, not just a bit of a trim-or she was going to take some scissors and do it herself.

Fearing the worst, Hiro had finally agreed, and so early on a Saturday morning he went down the street to the haircutting place his family had been going to for years and, gritting his teeth, asked to get his hair cut short (not too short, he'd insisted, but he knew that if he didn't want Aunt Cass to make good on her threat of cutting it herself he'd have to have most of it chopped off.) He kept his eyes closed throughout the entire ordeal-he didn't want to see the one thing he had left being taken away from him. He didn't open them again until the woman who cutting his hair (the same one who had cut his and Tadashi's hair for years) told him that she was done, and then with great effort he looked into the mirror-and felt his heart stop.

It was like looking at a ghost. Only it wasn't a ghost, the ghost was his own face, and it felt wrong. So very, _very_ wrong. He knew that he had a lot of differences from Tadashi, but his mind wasn't focusing on that-it was only showing him the parts of himself that looked exactly like his older brother. He barely even heard the kind older woman who probably hadn't even thought twice about giving him the same cut she probably gave hundreds of young men if he liked how it looked. All he could do was barely stammer out some sort of thanks (so as not to sound rude) and pay her before hurrying out the door and back down the street towards home, trying to avoid looking at any windows or reflective surfaces that could mock him with his sickening new reflection. All he wanted to do when he got home was go up to his room and hide away so that he could try to believe that this wasn't happening to him. He didn't even think twice about going through the Cafe on his way up to the main house-that is, until he passed Aunt Cass and saw her drop an entire stack of plates on the floor.

He stopped and was going to help her clean up despite his emotional state, but then he saw her expression-the same expression he'd had only minutes earlier, like she was staring right at a ghost.

"A-Aunt Cass?" he says uncertainly, dreading what he knew was coming next.

"T-Tadashi?" she answers in a shaky voice, eyes wide.

Hiro wasn't even sure what he did next. All he knew was that he needed to get out of there-away from Aunt Cass. Away from anyone who had ever known Tadashi and were probably wishing that the older man was coming back to take Hiro's place. So he ran-he ran out of the Cafe and down the street and just ran blindly until he couldn't even breathe any more. Finally his exhausted legs gave out beneath him and he just collapsed to the sidewalk, a pile of fear and broken emotions.

He didn't even realize where he was until a shadow falls over him and a concerned, familiar voice says, "Hiro? Oh my gosh, Hiro! W-What happened to you?"

It was the one person in the world Hiro could trust right now, and he didn't even fight as he feels his boyfriend wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close. It didn't matter that they were sitting on the sidewalk in front of Ezra's house-Hiro just finally lets all of his fears and pain loose as he sobs in the his boyfriend's arms.

"Sh," Ezra says softly, cradling him close and gently kissing his forehead. "It's okay. You're going to be okay."

Hiro tried to reply but all that came out was a strangled sort of hiccup. Still, it felt good having Ezra holding him like this and so he just lets himself draw comfort from it. Anyone else he would have pushed away, but Ezra-Ezra had never even known Tadashi. He had fallen in love with Hiro all on his own and Hiro knew after everything they'd been through together that Ezra loved every single part of him, even the parts that weren't all that great, and so he knew that, no matter what, Ezra was never going to wish that it was Tadashi here instead of Hiro.

"What's going on?" Ezra gently asks when most of Hiro's sobbing had subsided. "Did someone try to hurt you?"

Something about the concern in Ezra's voice was enough to get the other teen to feel like he could try to answer again, but all that came out was, "M-My hair…"

"Your hair?" Ezra repeats, a slightly quizzical expression on his face. "This is all because of a bad haircut? Hiro, I swear, it really doesn't look that bad-"

Even though there was so much more to this than just the haircut, something about the way Ezra was saying it made the whole situation seem slightly absurd to Hiro and, before he could even think about it, the raven haired teen felt a small laugh bubbling up in his chest and before he knew it he was laughing like he hadn't laughed in a very, very long time. Albeit the laugh was slightly hysterical, but after living under so much fear and depression for such a long time it felt nice just to be able to smile again, and Ezra seems to sense this and so he just lets his boyfriend laugh until finally he has to stop to catch his breath.

"Thank you," Hiro finally says, gratefully nuzzling up against Ezra's chest.

"Well, you're welcome, although I don't know quite what for," Ezra answers, still seeming a bit confused but just going with it.

"I've… Had a lot on my mind lately," Hiro admits, allowing himself to get comfortable in the other man's arms.

"I kind of figured that, yeah," Ezra replies, keeping his tone cautiously light, as if afraid that he might somehow set Hiro off again. As it was, Hiro winces as he realizes that, in all of his own emotional strife, he'd sort of been ignoring his boyfriend lately.

"Sorry," he says in a soft voice. "I-I didn't mean to-"

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Ezra hurries to reassure him, gently kissing his forehead again. "I knew something was on your mind but I didn't want to push you."

"Thank you for that." Hiro flashes him a grateful smile. "You're the best boyfriend ever, you know that?"

"Yes, yes I do," Ezra answers, playfully pecking the tip of his nose, before continuing more carefully, "So, um, does this mean you're ready to talk about whatever it is you've been going through? If not, I completely understand, I just wanted to offer-"

"Yes," Hiro cuts in quickly before the other man could start rambling like he sometimes had a bad habit of doing when he was feeling awkward about a subject. "I do. I-It's not easy to talk about, but… It's Tadashi."

"Oh, is it the anniversary coming up?" Ezra gently asks, meaning the anniversary of Tadashi's death, which was always a hard time for Hiro.

"No, it's not, but thank you for thinking of that," the other teen answers. "It's… It's just with this recent growth spurt and now this haircut I… I'm starting to look a lot like him…"

"Hm…" Ezra seems to be looking over him critically. "I mean, I've only seen pictures of him, so I can't say for sure, but I can see some resemblance." Noting Hiro's expression, he asks, "Is that a bad thing?"

"I-I don't know?" Hiro admits, absently fiddling with the button on the sweater he was wearing (Tadashi's sweater, his mind chooses to point out.) "I mean… I used to always want to look like him when I was growing up, but now… Now I feel like everyone's just looking at me and they're seeing him and they… They're wishing it was Tadashi here and not me…"

He expected Ezra to maybe give him some sort of speech about how that wasn't true and give him all the arguments that he'd fruitlessly gone through in his own mind a thousand times as to why that wasn't the case. But he'd forgotten who he was dealing with. Sometimes, like at the beginning of this, Ezra could be sweet and very caring when he thought Hiro was hurting. But when he thought someone was doing something completely idiotic he wasn't one to mince words-he was going to tell them exactly what was on his mind, and Hiro was no exception.

"Hiro Hamada, get your shit together and get up off that ground right now!" Ezra say, releasing Hiro and standing up so suddenly that the other man was unceremoniously dumped to the sidewalk.

"Hey!" Hiro protests, glaring up at him. "What was that for?"

"I love you, but you are being a complete and total moron right now," Ezra declares with a mildly scornful look. "Everyone in your life loves you for you and not because you remind them of your older brother, and anyone who feels otherwise will have to answer to me!"

Before Hiro could even try to answer that, the other teen blazes onward. "Now you're saying the problem right now is that you look like Tadashi, right? Well, I don't completely agree with that, but if that's what's upsetting you, let's stop beating around the bush and fix the problem!"

"H-How?" Hiro asks, finally getting to his feet and feeling a tiny hopeful-even though he was slightly pissed that Ezra was taking this no-nonsense attitude about his problems, it was a good kind of pissed. The kind of pissed that made him want to prove Ezra wrong about him being a moron and do whatever it took-however crazy-to get past the emotional stumbling block that had been keeping him stuck in this unhealthy place for far too long.

"Well, let's look at the problems," Ezra answers, looking him up and down as if surveying him to see what kind of work needed to be done. "Okay, we can't do anything about your height-that's something we can't change, but I don't think you should be ashamed of it anyways, it's a good, healthy height! As for everything else-let's see, you've been wearing Tadashi's clothes since you got taller, right?"

"Y-Yeah," Hiro admits. "Aunt Cass can't really afford to get me any new ones…"

"Well, I might not be able to fully solve that problem," Ezra tells him. "But since I just had another growth spurt, Mom's making me donate or throw out some of my clothes that are a bit too small for me but they might just fit you!"

"R-Really?" Hiro asks, eyes widening with hope. "I-I mean, I wouldn't want to take your clothes-" he quickly adds.

"Hiro, like I said, they're too small for me and Mom's making me get rid of them anyways, so you're not 'taking' anything-if anything, you're doing me a favor by getting them off of my hands," Ezra answers firmly.

"O-Okay then…" Hiro finally agrees, a grateful grin making its way across his face. "In that case, yes, I'll definitely take them, thank you." It might feel a bit strange wearing his boyfriend's clothes, but it would definitely be a lot better than Tadashi's. Not that he was going to throw out Tadashi's clothes, but at least right now having another option was a huge weight off of his chest.

"You're welcome!" Ezra beams at him before going serious again. "Now, let's see… What else can we do to fix this? Oh, your hair! It sounds like you really don't like your new haircut, do you?"

"No, I don't," Hiro admits with a small sigh. "But Aunt Cass said that if I didn't cut it she'd cut it herself, and now that it's so short I don't know if there's anything I can do about it…"

"Nonsense!" Ezra waves aside his concerns with a flick of his hand. "I happen to know someone who can do miracles with hair, no matter how long or short, and she happens to live right here!"

"Sabine!" Hiro cries, feeling a bit of hope blooming in his chest as he remembers Ezra's older sister who had been cutting and dying her own hair for years. "Do you think she'd mind-?"

"Are you kidding me? She's been dying to get her hands on your hair for ages!" Ezra laughs before gently tugging on his boyfriend's hand. "C'mon! Let's go see if she's got some time to work on it right now. Heck, even if she is busy I know she'll probably drop everything given this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"

"You think so?" Hiro chuckles, taking Ezra's hand and following him up to the house. Honestly, this was the happiest he'd felt in a very, very long time, and even though his appearance hadn't changed yet, just the promise of something new was enough to make him feel like he could finally breathe again.

"There!" Sabine declares later that afternoon-much, much later, as it turned out, given she'd insisted spending the entire afternoon on what she called Hiro's "makeover" (a lot longer than either Hiro or Ezra had been expecting, but neither of them had minded given she'd been willing to help them out with this.) "All done! I've done it again-a perfect masterpiece, if I do say so myself!"

"He looks great, Bean!" Ezra tells her with a grin. "You totally outdid yourself!"

"Thank you, thank you!" Sabine playfully bows.

"Am I allowed to see myself yet?" Hiro asks hopefully-Sabine had made a point of not letting him look in any mirrors until she was done, and while he trusted her (and Ezra, who had been keeping tabs on her the entire time to make sure that she didn't go too crazy) he was itching to see just how much of a change she'd managed to make.

"Yes, you are!" Sabine laughs, turning the chair she currently had him sitting in so that he was finally facing the mirror. "Take a look!"

"Whoa…" Hiro gasps when he finally sees himself. It was almost hard to recognize his reflection-but in a good way. He'd gotten so used to looking in the mirror and seeing Tadashi that he'd almost forgotten what it was like to see himself in his own reflection. But he finally could again-and it felt _good_.

True, he was a bit caught off guard for a moment by the red streaks in the side-part comb-over bangs Sabine had created with the hair he'd had left, but after a moment he decided that they actually suited him-and they were definitely something all his own. He wasn't quite sure about the black cuff Sabine had put on his right ear, but that he could easily take off-he'd insisted on no actual piercings (yet, anyways)-if he decided later he didn't like it. And Ezra's clothes had made all the difference-his boyfriend's clothes were a lot looser and more casual than Tadashi's collection of blazers and skinny jeans, and the fact that he finally had a hoodie that fit him again was amazing. All in all, he was grateful to be able to see his reflection and finally feel at home in his own body again, and to show his thanks he hugs both siblings, first Sabine and then Ezra.

"Thank you guys," he tells them. "You have no idea how much this means to me…"

"Hey, I'm just glad I was finally able to do something with that hair of yours!" Sabine answers with a grin.

"And I'm just glad that you're feeling better," Ezra adds, gently pecking Hiro's cheek.

"I definitely am," Hiro reassures him before nervously noting, "I-I don't know how Aunt Cass is going to take all of this…"

"If she loves you at all, she'll understand why you needed to do this," Ezra reassures him.

"And how can anyone hate such a fabulous look?" Sabine adds playfully. "I am an artist, after all, and I will not stand for anyone not appreciating my art for its full potential!"

"True," Hiro chuckles, feeling a bit better. "Still…"

"Do you want me to walk you home, just in case?" Ezra asks gently.

"Would you mind?" Hiro asks hopefully.

"Not at all!" Ezra tells him, squeezing his hand. "We can go now if you want!"

"Yeah, now is good," Hiro answers, giving him the best smile he can manage. "Better get it over with, right?"

"Right," Ezra agrees, squeezing his hand before starting to lead him towards the stairs.

"'Bye Hiro!" Sabine calls, waving as they go. "Remember, if anyone gives you any trouble just call me and I'll come kick their butts for you!"

"I'll remember that!" Hiro reassures her, chuckling and actually feeling a bit better as he follows Ezra down the stairs.

About half an hour later, the two were standing on the front doorstep of the Hamada's house at the side entrance that led into the main house instead of into the Cafe. Hiro's hands were shaking slightly as he puts the key in the lock, but with Ezra gently keeping a warm hand on his shoulder he couldn't help but feel fairly confident in himself, no matter what might happen next.

What he wasn't expecting when he actually got the door open was to find Aunt Cass and the rest of his college friends in the living room, all in various stages of distress.

"Uh, hey guys?" he says feeling a bit worried but trying not to show it-why were they all here? "Did someone die, or…?"

"Oh my gosh, Hiro!" Aunt Cass, who had been sitting in a chair with her head in her hands, instantly jerks upright upon hearing his voice and within moments was across the room, engulfing him in an almost bone-crushing hug.

"Can't-breathe!" the teen manages to get out, feeling like all of the oxygen was being squeezed right out of him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie!" Aunt Cass apologizes, quickly loosening her grip but keeping a firm hold on his hands all the same, as if afraid to let go of him. "It's just-when you ran out of here earlier, I was so afraid- I didn't know what had happened to you, and you weren't answering your phone-!"

"Sorry about that," Hiro apologizes, realizing with a wince that turning off his phone earlier to avoid any phone calls had probably been a really stupid idea. "I should have let you know where I was…"

"No, no, it's fine!" Aunt Cass hurries to reassure him. "If anyone should be apologizing, it's me!"

"I think all of us owe you an apology, little dude," Fred says, standing up, and Hiro tries not to roll his eyes at the fact that the older man still insisted on calling him "little" after all these years.

"Hiro, we're sorry if we upset you," Honey Lemon says, coming over to join them. "We know how much everyone's been comparing you to Tadashi lately-"

"Myself included, which was a total accident, but I still feel horrible about," Wasabi puts in.

"-And we should have realized how much it was upsetting you and tried to do more about it," GoGo finishes.

"I-It's okay guys," Hiro answers, feeling a rush of relief. "I-It was me too. I kind of got hung up on how I was starting to look like him and didn't even realize how much of it was just me building it up in my own head…"

"But we should have realized that and been there to try to help you," Aunt Cass answers firmly before adding softly, "And I'm so sorry for what happened in the Cafe earlier, I shouldn't have-"

"I-I might have done the same thing if the roles were reversed," Hiro tells her with a watery smile.

"It still wasn't okay, and I want you to know that there is no way I would ever want you to try to take Tadashi's place," Aunt Cass puts in, hugging him again, although with less bone-crushing intensity this time. "You are my Hiro, and I love you exactly as you are, you know that, right?"

"Yeah," Hiro answers, a genuine smile making its way onto his face. "I do."

"Good!" Aunt Cass gently hugs him again before pulling away to look him over with a slight smile. "I hope you know that you didn't have to go out and dye your hair just to prove that you're not your older brother, right?"

"I know," Hiro answers with a small laugh, glad that she was taking this fairly well. "Actually, I kind of just wanted to do this for me, and while I wasn't exactly expecting Sabine to do all that she did, but it's really starting to grow on me."

"I think it looks great!" Honey Lemon tells him. "Red is a great color on you!"

"And you know I'm all about the colorful hair," GoGo adds with a slight smirk, gesturing to the purple streaks in her own hair.

"I guess that's true," Hiro laughs, feeling himself relaxing as he grins over at Ezra, who grins right back at him and gives him an encouraging thumbs up.

It had been a really rough few weeks, but the raven haired teen felt like he was a train finally coming out of a dark tunnel. He still loved his older brother with all his heart, and he knew that he would always miss him. But through all of this, Hiro had managed to carve out an identity for himself and proved to himself and the others that he was definitely his own person and not just a copy of his nii-chan. And somehow he had the feeling that right now Tadashi was looking down on him and smiling and feeling extremely proud of his little bro.


End file.
